My Invisible Audience

I spent yesterday avoiding people. Lou wanted me to meet him at a bar in Pasadena, it was some kind of benefit jam. I couldn’t do it. I’ve been to that bar a thousand times and a thousand times I’ve gotten depressed. I needed to be alone. It’s not uncommon for me to feel that way. I can get impatient with people when I feel that way, no matter what the conversation, it well strike me as dumb.

Usually, when I feel like I need to be alone I’ll think of the past, and how it relates to the future. I’m pretty hard on myself at times. I’ll think of my mistakes and feel real bad about them, and when I ponder the future I feel empty inside. It speaks volumes for staying in the moment. The truth is, unless I’m working on something artistic I feel a drift, confused. The problem is I can’t create everyday. I need to rest from time to time, and it is on these days that I feel, empty purposeless. It’s a new revelation. It has never been so clear. I always thought that it was the path I had chosen for myself that had brought upon those feelings, my failure in art. But now I understand that it’s the lack of activity that makes me feel bad. When I’m not writing, I’m not praying and when I’m not playing music my soul welts just a little bit.

I’ve built this cabin. I’ll post pictures at some point. Drop me a note sometime, my invisible audience.

The Intelligence of Stupidity

You’ve heard of a polygamist, well I’m a pig-lygamist. It’s my own made up word that I haven’t defined yet, although it does seem self-explanatory to some degree. The word pig is a dead give away. I think it speaks more to the fact that marriage in my view is something to be avoided. Why anybody would agree to be a monogamist is beyond my understanding. I agreed to it once and I felt like a caged animal. I failed. It wasn’t my cup of tea. I’m speaking for myself. I’m not trying to convince anybody to my way of thinking. I’m not pretending to be intelligent.

I had a friend once, who was of the opinion that all people are stupid, and no matter how many books you’ve read, or how high your IQ, the underlying fact is that we humans are stupid. I tend to agree with this idea. To me it makes perfect sense. Our lives are spent proving our abilities. We regurgitate facts and figures, work on our memory, memorize the spelling of words, and then back down the driveway and slam into the mailbox that sits near the curb.

Even a genius can make a bad decision, which seems to negate the principles of genius. Intellect absent of stupidity, is stupidity defined. There are flaws in the intellect of man. Intellectualism is a flawed pursuit. Yet we try over and over to dispel stupidly, we conceal it constantly. The mere suggestion of being stupid is an insult. Lord, if I can’t be intelligent give me wisdom.