Germs

            With the Ebola outbreak, we germophobes are in a bit of a tizzy. I'm not an advanced germophobe, just a regular guy who washes his hands more than usual.
            Last night I found myself waiting in line at an ATM. There was an older man using the machine in front of me, a tall big fellow. He was taking his sweet time about it. He stood in front of the machine and counted his money, like considerate, conscientious people are prone to do. I heard him cough. And then I saw him wipe his nose and cough again uncontrollably. He was spreading his germs pretty good from what I could tell. I figured if he had touched the buttons I was waiting in line for, there was a good probability of contracting his illness. I packed it up and decided to find another ATM. I had never done that before. I had a sudden impulse to get away from the guy. In my mind he was bad news on many levels.
            I think I made the right decision, but truth be told, I'm not feeling a hundred percent today. Feverish. No flu shot. Never a flu shot. I don't trust them.

Addendum:

I know a guy who had a van with a water bed in it. Circa 1979.

I Talk To Myself

            It's official. I talk to myself. It's been a long time coming, but it's here now and I'm not sure I can turn it back. When I catch myself doing it, I feel kind of strange, as if I've caught myself in crazy. Thus far I'm not answering myself or having full-on conversations. Sometimes I pretend like I'm being interviewed by a reporter, but that's normal.
           At least I don't talk to my dog or cat. Now that's loony. When I talk to myself there's the probability of having a conversation, albeit with myself. But I'm not fool enough to expect an answer from a pet. I'm getting a certain satisfaction in writing this. I know a few people who talk to their pets. I wish I could see their faces upon reading this. But they'd be the first to tell you that they're nuts, and that's why I like them. They're honest about their peculiarities. 
           Deep down, I know if I had pets I'd talk to them too. I really want a cat, but there are quite a few coyotes around my cabin and I wouldn't want to put my little fuzzy-wuzzy in harm's way.