Pina Colada

I’ve taken to buying whole coconuts and pineapples at my local Mexican grocer. It’s my ambition to become the human Pina Colada. If I could figure out a way to ferment rum internally, I’d be in business.

            Picking coconuts isn’t as easy as it sounds. I’ve picked a couple of losers that were spoiled and sour inside. A coconut is a mysterious creature. I’ve learned some techniques for picking them online, but even with that knowledge it’s a crapshoot.

            The pineapples on the other hand have failed to disappoint. There’s a consistency there that is just astounding to me. They’re sweet and juicy. How can something so strange looking taste so good? Prickly, but sweet, like a nice man with a beard.   

The Juicy Diet

I have an idea for a diet. It’s called the Doctor Bernal’s Juicy Diet, and as it implies, you can eat anything you want as long as it’s juicy. Pineapple, pork butt, anything that’s juicy, a juicy steak, crab legs in a juicy sauce. Can I eat tortillas? you may ask. No, not by themselves. You’ll need to fill them with something juicy. The same applies to bread. Bread in itself is a no-go, but okay if you fill it with corn beef, and it’s juicy. Can you eat bananas? No, you need to slather them in something juicy, or make a shake out of them.

              Of course I’m not serious about the juicy diet, it’s more like a mantra for living. Eat well, have fun, and make it juicy. If you want my advice for losing weight, I’d say, don’t eat as much, and try a little exercise.