The Heckler

            I went to an open mic Thursday night. I'm trying out my new songs in front of an audience. 
            A comedian got up to tell some jokes, or rather, tell some stories. He was an Asian kid and his jokes were from the Asian perspective. It was stereotypical material that was long winded and not funny. What made it worse was he thought he was funny, but nobody was laughing. It got to the point of being uncomfortable. The kid asked the MC how much time he had left. The MC said one minute. I was relieved. The kid went on for another four minutes, and then asked, "do I have more time?" 
            I surprised myself and yelled out "No!" 
            I didn't intend to say it out loud, but it was excruciating, and the words had a will of their own. The guy next to me said "you're brutal." I felt bad. I was the heckler. I had never been the heckler before. I didn't enjoy it much. I took it real hard. I wanted to apologize to anyone who'd listen. People seemed to turn on me. He's the heckler. The heckler is no place to be. It's a solitary life I can assure you. 
            The poor kid was no good. He could have used a few driving jokes. 

The Tennis Shoes

Bill the Spooky Guy gave me a pair of tennis shoes. He said he wore them once to an art opening, but they were uncomfortable to his feet. I didn’t want the shoes, but he was insistent that I have them. The shoes were funny looking, white, with strange stitching. They looked cheap.

I wore them once on a short jog and afterwards I heard a clicking sound coming from the heel. I took the shoes off and discovered the soles had pulled away from the body. I tried to fix them with epoxy and a brick, but it didn’t take. A part of me felt obligated to keep the shoes, as they were a gift. I eventually tossed them in the trash. Months had passed before I mentioned it to Bill.

“Hey Bill, you know those tennis shoes you gave me?”

“Yeah.”

“I wore them on a jog and they split in two.”

Bill buckled with laughter.

“They weren’t running shoes. They were walk around the house shoes.”

“You mean they were like slippers?”

                “Yeah, like slippers.”