Cult 101

            I know a guy who's trying to start a cult. So far he has no followers. I'm trying to give him tips on how to be a good cult leader, but it's slow going. His wardrobe is all wrong and as far as I can tell he doesn't really have a clear message. More importantly, he doesn't have the gift of gab. I'm not saying you need the gift of gab to be a cult leader, but it helps. If you don't have a good wardrobe and you're not an engaging communicator, then you're pretty much screwed as a cult leader in my estimation. My friend has the desire, and deep down I think he can do it, but he'll have to put the work in. He'll need to come up with a manipulative pitch of some kind. Either that, or let his eyebrows grow out and walk with a cane. Something.
             My friend keeps talking about Plato, but Plato's not going to get him any followers. Plato's not sexy. He needs sexy.

Hair Styles

            My friend Willie liked to drink beer in his courtyard. Every now and again he'd see his neighbor Ann Marie walk by. Anne Marie had a different hair style every time Willie saw her. One day she'd have black hair with bangs, and the next she'd have blond hair cut in a sixties bob. One time she walked by and her hair was spiked and dyed pink.
           "Hey, nice hair cut," Willie would say when he saw her.
           Anne Marie, usually answered in the negative. "Eh, it's alright, or, eh, whatever."
           "Would you like a beer?" Willie was prone to ask.
           "No thanks," Anne Marie was prone to answer.
           One day Anne Marie finally accepted Willie's drinking invitation, but she didn't drink his cheap beer. She brought over a bottle of Bourbon, and poured it into her own glass. 
           Willie waited until he had enough courage in him to bring up the subject of Anne Marie's hair. He finally did.           
            "Every time I see you your hair is different?"
            "I'm hair model for extra cash." 
            Willie didn't believe her. He thought she was working undercover for the Burbank PD.