I had to go to a funeral. It was a Catholic mass. I've always wondered why Catholic funerals were so long. I grew up Methodist, and the Methodists will sing a few hymns, say a few words and blam, send you on your way. Not the Catholics. They make it last.
It occurred to me during mass that the church probably charges by the hour. That's why the masses are long. You get the church, the father, the organ player for an hour. And the fathers don't short change their customers so when you go to a Catholic funeral expect to sit for that long.
I didn't time it, but it felt like an hour. I can only sit still for a little while before I get ants in my pants. At Catholic masses I get antsy about three minutes in. So it feels longer than it actually is.
I'm not sure why the fathers still speak Latin. Nobody speaks Latin anymore. There was a whole segment of the mass where nobody knew what was being said. They could have said anything they wanted. They could have made fun of people and said the most ridiculous things. A part of me wishes they did.
All I was thinking about, and I'm probably going to hell for this, was Cheech and Chongs' character Sister Mary Elephant. O' felli me fossi a sus dominos.
