Hilltop Living

        My car's starter is going bad. I never know when it’s going to work or not. I’ve taken to hitting it with a rubber mallet to knock the brushes into place, but now even the rubber mallet is failing to work. People owe me money. I’m waiting to get paid, and there’s part of me that wants to replace the starter myself.  

        My car has a manual transmission. I find myself driving from one hilltop to another to insure a rolling start to pop it into gear. Second gear is a much smoother start than first gear. When I contemplate taking a drive I have to think about the relative proximity of a hill as it correlates to my prospective destination. Another thing I need to consider is the slope of the hill. Momentum is a crucial element to a smooth start. I’m at the mercy of nature. It’s a good thing I live in Los Angeles and not Florida.

        “Hey, why don’t you meet me for a drink?”

        “Is there a hilltop near by?”

Viagra

My friend Lee and I were talking and somehow the subject of Viagra came up. We were joking about how you can take the pill, get an erection, and then suddenly lose your vision. At that point, you’re kind of left on an island and at the mercy of your lover. Depending on your lover's mood or sense of humor, it could be a bit of a guessing game, a sort of Marco Polo in the bedroom.

            “Where are you at baby? The blood has rushed out of my head.”

            A woman with a sense of humor can have a field day with a man with an erection who can’t see. She can just sit quietly and not say a word, while her man stands there stupidly with a four hour erection and a temporary state of blindness.

            “Just say something baby, and let me know where you’re at. Say my name, say my name.”