Socks in The Infirmary

          I was unloading my laundry from my car when a pair of socks I had bunched into a ball got away from me and rolled down the hill. It was dark and I figured I'd look for them in the morning. 

            I'd forgotten about the socks altogether until I was walking up the path to my car. It was then that I remembered they'd rolled down the hill. I gave it a quick search, but I couldn't find them. 

            It was about mid-day when I realized that I liked those socks and I wanted them back. I walked the perimeter of the yard to find them. I didn't spot them right off. It wasn't until I widened my search that I discovered them. They'd been ravaged. I found one sock near the old vegetable planter and another sock at the bottom of the hill near the fence. I gave them a once over for any signs of life. They were dusty and full of fox tails, but it was my determination that they were still good. My thoughts turned to the viciousness of the attack. Those socks didn't have a chance, but somehow they survived. Coon-rats I reasoned.  Sock stealers. 

       

Making Movies

            I have a friend, lets call him Moses, who built a movie set in his living room. He had a scene that called for a seedy motel, and rather than spending hundreds of dollars on a location, he bought
four pieces of wood paneling and cheap looking curtains to give him the look he needed for the scene. I commend his ingenuity. It's not the same as taking a Chevy truck and turning it into a fifteen foot high, cardboard carrying utility vehicle, but it's pretty close.
            Moses' wife is going along with it for now, but if there are any delays in production I can foresee serious short term consequences to their marriage. Let's hope Moses is organized and has his shot list in order. 

Dustin Hoffman

            I had a dream where I couldn't remember Dustin Hoffman's name. I could remember the movies he was in, Marathon Man, The Graduate, Little Big Man, I even remembered Kramer vs. Kramer, but for the life of me I couldn't remember Dustin's name. When I thought of his name it would come up Walter Matthau. Oh, yeah I remember... Walter Matthau, no, that's not it. It went on like that for sometime. I got it, I remember now, Walter Matthau.
            I could even remember some of Dustin's lines.
            "Well, what's your answer mule skinner?"
            "General, you go down there.."
            I remembered his creepy grin, his beady eyes, his nose, the fact that he was short, but I had wake up before I could remember his name was Dustin.
            

The Lady and The Mailman

            I was walking in the hills when I ran into the mailman. He and I are friendly. We wave hello when we see each other. 
            You'll never believe what just happened to me, he said. 
            What. 
            I was walking away from a house when I heard a voice say excuse me. I turned around to see who it was. There was a young woman standing at the front door in her underwear. Can you help me with this, she said. Her coffee maker was stuck. It had a twisty thing. Sure I said. I thought this was a gift from god. 
            That's every delivery man's dream I said. 
            Yeah, I know. 
            So what did you do? 
            Nothing, I twisted the thing off the coffee maker and handed it back to her. 
            You crazy fool! You'll be thinking of her for the rest of your life I said jokingly. 
            I know he said as he walked away in a fog.
            I saw the mailman again a few weeks later. 
            Whatever happened to the lady who came outside in her underwear, I asked. 
            What lady? He paused, oh, her. She moved out! About a week later she was gone. 

The Black Cat

            For weeks, I'd drive down the hill and make a left turn, only to see a black cat waiting for me on the curbside. I'd speed up so he wouldn't cross my path. I'm not overly superstitious, but you can never be too careful.
            It happened over and over. And once or twice I'd speed up in vain, for the cat had it in mind to cross my path at great risk to his safety. In those instances, I'd drive away consumed with irrational fears of the unknown, having to convince myself it was just a cat.
            The cat had a look to him that worried me, like he knew something that I didn't know. Sometimes he'd look me in the eyes and follow me as I drove by. He'd just sit there and stare like an old sage with bright yellow eyes.
            A few days ago I made the left turn in the afternoon and there was the cat waiting for me. I turned to look at him to gauge whether he was going to run or not. But this time when I looked at him I noticed something different. There were four or five other black cats asleep on the pathway behind him. I laughed. Well, that explains it. It was trickery to the highest degree.
  

Banco

            I parked my car in front of my bank. I was on a slope. I turned my wheels toward the curb. I hadn't finished turning the wheel when I heard a crushing sound coming from the right front tire. It was ominous. I got out of the car and checked the tire. Sure enough, there was a hissing sound coming from it.
            I wasn't sure what to do. I considered my options. Should I drive away and find a tire shop, or deposit money into my account? I might as well make the deposit, I reasoned.
            There was a line, but it wasn't too bad, a couple of ladies and myself. But things slowed down some. I could hear the tire hissing in the back of my mind as I stood there.
            Anything else for you, Miss? Yes, may I have a cashiers check for a hundred dollars... I was hoping she'd say oh, no thank you.
            A guy in his twenties was playing with his phone while he waited for his transaction to be made. The kid couldn't pull himself away from it. He was looking down at it stupidly. He was all thumbs. He had the fastest thumbs I've every seen. It was troubling to look at.            
            I finally had a turn at a teller. I slid him a check and asked for a dollar in quarters just in case I needed to put air in my tire. The teller looked at me oddly. I felt obligated to tell him the story. I parked on a slope and I turned my wheel... I should have never told him. 

Sleepus Interruptus

            I was startled from a deep sleep by a loud bang. It was more like an explosion than a bang. It was three in the morning. I was laying in bed when I heard a second explosion. I got up to see if I could figure out what was going on. If the neighborhood heard the noise they weren't bothering to get up. Not even the dogs showed any interest. All was still. 
            I heard a popping sound and then a loud buzzing sound. Black thick smoke was billowing in the air. I figured a transmitter blew or something. I went back to bed and listened. I heard a fire truck in the distance. The firemen turned off their sirens as they approached. It was as though they didn't want to wake the neighbors.
             The next day I took a walk to see if I could figure out what had happened. I was looking up at the transmitters, but they all checked out in good shape. (I was pleased to see that there were quite a few new ones). I kept walking. There's a windy road that leads to the top of the hill. I followed it up. I soon discovered what caused the racket. There was a burned out BMW. The heat had exploded its windows. Glass was scattered about. I inspected the carcass. There was nothing left but a burned out shell. I was trying to figure out if the fire was set intentionally, or if it was poor engineering. I never did figure it out. It was irremediable damage of the strangest kind.