The New NFL

           I had a dream that the NFL no longer had male players, instead, they had hired women from Southeast Asia. The women were having trouble with the the late hit, tackling out-of-bounds rule. They were gang-tackling players fifteen yards too late, then wondering why the officials had thrown their flags.
           I went to the concession stand to buy a beer. There was a young boy waiting in line. He ordered a beer. The concession stand attendant hopped into a van and apologized to the kid, saying he had to make a delivery, and that he'd be right back. We watched as the man drove away. We saw him minutes later in the distance. He was driving on a windy road that abutted the ocean.
          "There he is!" the kid said excitedly as the van showed itself.
           Waves crashed beneath him as he drove northwest into the sunset. 

Peacemaker Almost

            I was at an open mic at a locale bar when a fight broke out. It happened right in front of me. I shot out of my seat to be a peacemaker. I got between the two guys and led one of them away from the skirmish. Things calmed down without anybody throwing a punch.
            The guy I led away was a hippie black guy named Donald. Donald grabbed his instruments and walked out of the bar. He looked defeated as he left. I felt sorry for him. I followed him outside to see if he was okay.
            "Hey Donald, are you alright?" He didn't bother to answer or look at me. "What the hell happened?" I asked again. I got nothin. I think I tried to talk to him once more before I gave up in frustration.
            "Fuck you Donald!" I said to him as I left. He heard me then. 
            "What?!"
            "You heard me, fuck you, you asshole!!!"
            Donald's hearing had improved and now he wanted to fight. And frankly, so did I, the son of a bitch.
            "I know karate," Donald said. He looked like the type to know karate and it got me thinking. What the hell am I doing? I calmed down and tried to broker a peace agreement. I apologized for saying fuck you, and Donald and I eventually shook hands. 
             I thought cooler heads had prevailed until Donald started doing karate chops against the bus-stop stanchions. He was hitting the metal post with his forearms and doing flying kicks. He was attacking the bus-stop pretty good. Then he moved away from the bus-stop and was punching the air around me. I could see his confidence growing with each punch. His punches were getting closer to me. I looked on without much of a flinch. From the way he was kicking and punching it was pretty apparent that Donald didn't know karate. He did a flying kick that nearly hit me. He was testing me. There was no doubt about it. His next punch came even closer. He followed that up with a punch that brushed my shoulder. He crossed the line with that punch. I snapped and went at him. Before he knew it I had him on the ground with my elbow at his throat and my other hand on his huevos. He was pinned. I thought about hurting him, to teach him a lesson, but something inside me wouldn't let me.
            "Let go of me," I said.
            Donald eased his grip. I let him up and walked away.

     

Medicine Man

           I stopped talking about turmeric. I told a few people of its powers, but their eyes glossed over half-way through my presentation. I got the feeling they didn't believe me, or even worse, that they thought I was loony. I wanted to share the information I had. It was my way of being helpful, but, people are stuck in their ways.
            My mom had been sick for a couple of weeks. She couldn't hold her food down and had fever and the chills. She went to the doctor. The doctor gave her some pills and set up time for a CAT scan. She's getting up there in years and there's always the risk of cancer I suppose. It seemed like a gyp to me, and it was. I gave her some ginger and turmeric and she was healed up two days later. I can't say for sure it was the roots, but they healed me without a doubt.
            So this is the last of it. The parting words for a two-dollar fix to simple ailments. You can buy the bull-crap magic they're selling at the drug store, or you can find yourself a root. Roots are strong. They hold up trees. When you eat a root you're practically eating the whole of the earth. Holler.

The Outsiders

            I'm a little on edge while in my neighborhood. With gentrification came conflict. The old doesn't like the new, and the new doesn't seem to care one way or another. I have mixed feelings about gentrification. On one hand the beer and the fences have improved tremendously, yet on the other hand, prices have ballooned to the point of people being evicted. I'm not in favor of eviction. I blame the false economy and make believe prices.
            This is the story of my life; I get confused for Caucasian, which I technically am, mixed in with Indian blood which defines me as a Mexican, which in a general sense makes me an outsider. But because I look like an insider (Caucasian) I get hard looks from the outsiders who are my own people. The outsiders are mad at the insiders in my neighborhood, because the insiders came late to the party and didn't bring any beer. But they did bring beer. Good beer, kind of hoppy, but good.
            Nowadays when I'm in public, I wonder if the outsiders think I'm insider and stealing their beer. I'm waiting for the day when someone says something to me, to question my station in life. I'd like to have a card or a badge to display for such an occasion, to present as evidence to the amount of time I've accumulated in the neighborhood. To prove my insider status. Or is it my outsider status? I may have crossed the line somewhere with regard to that. None of it makes much sense. The outsiders are the insiders and insiders are the outsiders. It's a game we play to keep things simple. 

Throat Update

            I fixed my throat. I can fix anything! Almost. I don't want to get too cocky, but the throat is nearly  healed. I used turmeric, ginger and habanero peppers as mentioned in a previous blog. I figure if I stick to my regimen I'll be completely healed by next week sometime. On day two of my treatment I blew my nose and a cylindrical mass of mucus was expelled. I was relieved by the sight of it. No cancer I surmised. Since then I've been diligently battling whatever virus I contracted. There's still a trace of discomfort in my throat, but it's relatively minor. The pain on the left side of my neck has eased and I'm feeling much stronger. It seems like the kind of virus that can come back at anytime, so I'll have to be persistent with my remedies. Thanks for listening. And hopefully this helps somebody out there with the same problem. 

Sore Throat

            I've had a sore throat for about a month and a half. I finally made up my mind to get rid of it. A sore throat is the first sign of throat cancer so I was a little, well, very concerned about it. What made it worse was researching it online. I thought for sure I had cancer until I found a thread of people complaining about the same symptoms I have. I saw a doctor, but all he did was give me a prescription for antibiotics. I took them but they didn't work. 
            I did some research on herbal cures. My herb friends online suggested a variety of remedies. I chose turmeric root, garlic, ginger, habanero chili, apple cider vinegar, honey, lemon, and and for good measure jaiogulan tea. I haven't tried the jiaogulan yet, but after just one day of treatment I feel  much better. I ate the turmeric and ginger root raw and made a tea with the habanero, lemon, honey and more turmeric. Oh yeah, I did a hot compress on my throat as well. I'm not healed completely yet, but I think I'm on the right track. 
            I went to the local Indian spice store for the fresh turmeric root. And to Chinatown for the jiaogulan tea. The herb store in Chinatown was amazing. They had giant jars of teas from all over the world. I was on a walk the other day when it occurred to me that every plant has a purpose, and that there is no such thing as a weed. The term weed is American for messing up the grass. If I don't get better in a week I'll go back to the doctor. 

The Animals

            I figured out how to attract animals to my BBQ. Just pour a little sardine juice onto some leaves. I ate a can of sardines and I wasn't sure what to do with the juice. I didn't want to trash it in my cabin. I figured the smell would be unpleasant.
            I'm not sure what kind of animal it was. A clumsy animal, I know that. I heard a ruckus on my deck. I looked outside but I didn't see anything. It was too dark. The leaves were rustling in the distance. I could tell the animal was looking at me, and that he was frightened. I think he felt bad for knocking things over. Wild animals are sensitive creatures. If it weren't for the kill, and the food chain thing, they'd be more lovable.     
            Some people become friends with wild animals. I've never had that talent. I leave them alone. I've thought about becoming friends with the raccoons and the skunks, but deep down, I don't trust them. There's nothing comforting about a squirrel. I'm trying to become friends with a woodpecker. He's in the tree now. I realized that woodpeckers don't like to work alone. They like a little company. But you can't look at them while they work. They'll fly away then. It's best if you work while they work. I think they're community oriented. 
            Later that night I dreamt of coyotes. The coyotes were friendly in my dream. They showed me their den, and they were running about excitedly. I was honored to be their guest. I felt a vortex of energy that I defined as coyote consciousness shooting through me. I could see it in the sky too. It was shaped like a tornado. The energy was swirling upwards until it reached the widest point. At the moment the energy peaked, I understood that I was one with the coyotes. As the realization came to me in my dream, in reality, the coyotes that live on the hill across the way started to howl. Yip, yip, yip. It was a frenzied sound that woke me from a dead sleep. A smile came to my face. "That was cool."