Just Like God

            I tend to think of god as ineffable, too big for words. I have a brother who’s deeply religious and from time to time he leans in on me and attempts the process of conversion. But I don’t want to be converted. 
            I’m often offended by his behavior for he assumes a certain knowledge I don’t believe he has. He laughed at me when I told him I didn’t have the answers, that all I know is that I don’t know anything at all. My brother has the answers, but his answers seem more like questions to me. So, around and around it went. He tried to put me in a box and I tried not to be put in the box. He wasn't making any sense to me, and I wasn't making any sense to him.

            I asked him if he thought god was religious? “No!” he said unequivocally.

            I was relieved when he said this, he gave me an opening. “Well then I’m just like god. I’m not religious.”

            My answers didn’t satisfy him. Nothing I said satisfied him. I walked away from the conversation feeling bad, as if I had done something wrong for defending my views.